I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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