You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
