i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
