It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
did i just pee glitter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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