her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
