why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
