yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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