Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
