I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
