I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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