If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
