Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
