There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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