just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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