We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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