i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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