i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
