He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize