we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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