Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
