He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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