I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize