i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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