WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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