if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
