I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I could make wine with my vomit
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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