i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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