All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Two words: nipple clamps
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