I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
