My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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