He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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