I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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