you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize