I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
