Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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