im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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