I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
