direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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