well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
