Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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