dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
