i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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