You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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