It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
someone owes me an orgasm
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
