but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
