Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
