Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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