the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
