a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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