she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
