Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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