its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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