So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
