So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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