I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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