You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
