there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
