If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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