I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
