Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
