Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
