I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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