new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
