Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
