Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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