rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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