Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
