I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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