NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
