wakey wakey hands off snakey
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
