I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
