I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
