He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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