so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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